One of the major flaws that humans undergo is that they get old too soon and get wise too later. The desire of God for you is that you find peace in the midst of a world that is full of troubles.
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me, ye might have peace. In the world, ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
So, it ought to be natural for every man born of a woman to seek or aspire to have a peaceful marital relationship. The journey of this search however, has been taken through the wrong route in millions of cases. This explains the volume of cases of marital crisis and divorce in the world today.
In many cases, wrong choices of spouses have been made by the victim, based on factors that are under his or her control. In some other cases, it is just ignorance. Above other factors that produce crisis-prone marriages is the deliberate or unconscious operation of pre-marital relationship outside Biblical standards and prescriptions.
For instance, ask most a young man, the kind of person he desires as wife. He tells you about height, facial beauty, walking steps and some other seasonal and periodic factors. If facial beauty or complexion for instance, was the basis of the marriage, it will with time, fade away and usher in weakness of love for that lady, thereby, ushering in marital crisis. If you married her because her parents were rich, money has wings and can fly away. Besides, your wife’s parents’ riches should not be your motivation for marriage because it is theirs and not yours.
Ask some ladies the kind of guy they desire as husband. You hear things like a guy with material wealth, blue chip organisation staff, and so on.
The character fundamentals that guarantee peace in marriage such as patience, sincerity, focus, godliness, understanding, and so on, are hardly considered or mentioned. So, how can there be a peaceful marriage?
If you are in a premarital relationship and the potential life partner is not giving you a peace of mind, it may be in your own interest to leave that relationship because the blessing of God adds no sorrow (Proverbs 10:22).
You are in a premarital relationship with someone. At every point in time, you are uncertain and panicky as to what negative thing he or she is likely to do to you next. Whenever he or she comes around, your heartbeat increases. Whenever he or she says something, you are suspecting that he or she is lying because the person has lied to you over and over again. You wish to discuss something, ask a question or make an enquiry. You are afraid as to what his or her response is likely to be. My dear, you can see there is no peace in that relationship. Walking to the altar with such person for wedding is equivalent to a self prison sentence. It is even a step into an endangered life if the person has been assaulting you physically. You don’t need any prophet to tell you what to do in this situation. Walk out of it and get your life saved.
If you are already in a marriage where there is no peace, you need to trace back the genesis of the absence of peace. At some point, there was peace. Then, something happened and peace disappeared. What happened?
Maybe it was your character that changed or there were certain good things you were doing shortly after wedding that you have stopped doing. Perhaps you stopped dressing to impress him or her and started dressing just to please yourself. Have you started giving more attention to your biological parents at the expense of your marital relationship? Both are equally important. Have you been so swallowed up by your work or business that you have little or no time for your spouse and family? Do you now shower all the love on your child or children at the expense of your love for your spouse? Have you started making financial demands too much without reasoning about his or her requests for prudent spending? Have you done or are you doing something that is creating or has created room for suspicion of infidelity? These and many other changes in character can remove an existing peace in a relationship.
Is your spouse suddenly under the negative influence of friends or relatives? Check his or her list of friends. Have they changed after wedding? It is okay. But the change has to be from negative to progressive and positive. Otherwise, marital peace will disappear. If for instance, your spouse now has around him or her, people who encourage the person to have extra-marital affairs, peace is bound to elude that relationship.
Where has the peace in your relationship gone? Is it possible that the relationship was never peaceful but that you walked into the marriage out of desperation, lust or coercion? It is also possible that all was well at the beginning until you both abandoned God and his ways. For instance, this Christian couple started getting interested in carnal competition with other couples. Wealth started increasing and family altar was discarded. Prayer life dropped. Attendance to church programmes became less important. Going to church is now motivated by a desire to go and show off latest cars, dresses, phones, and all that, at the expense of feeding from God’s table for individual spiritual growth. When this happens, peace is bound to disappear from that marriage., with time.
Only the prince of peace can restore peace to your marriage. So, go back to the prince of peace. He alone can give your marriage the peace that passeth man’s understanding (John 14:27).
Jesus Christ gives peace and joy that have no strings attached. His kind of peace is not a function of being financially rich or poor. It is not a function of fame, sex or material possession. Take your premarital or marital relationship to Jesus. You will find genuine peace.
I am not talking about religiosity or going to church. When I talk about relationship with Jesus, I am not talking imagination. I mean reality. How can Jesus Christ become your friend, become real to you and control your relationship?
FOR QUESTIONS, PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu