If your loving husband suddenly begins to get angry at you unnecessarily or pick quarrels with you over insignificant issues, do not conclude that this change in behaviour is because he is seeing someone else. You may be right but you may be wrong.
There are many things that can make your well behaved husband to suddenly begin to act strangely.
1. YOUR ATTITUDE: If you happen to be the breadwinner of your family or you happen to be financially stronger than your husband, you have a lot of work to do to sustain his confidence as the head of your family. It is not a bad thing per say, especially for a relationship that has Christ as the centre but things can go bad if you do not manage the situation properly.
Fine. You may not be the cause of the current equation. Maybe as at when he married you, he was financially far ahead of you and you were happy together. Along the line, something happened in form of sudden job loss or business collapse. Managing the psychological impact of such occurrence is not a tea party. You need God.
Now, reducing your respect for your husband because of his financial challenge or addressing him with uncharitable words can even attract violence against you.
Do not begin to take sensitive decisions on your family issues without consulting your husband just because you are beginning to generate more income than him. It suggests a threat to his authority as the head of the home and a disrespect for him.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24)
2. SEXUAL STARVATION: Day after day, your husband sees all kinds of ladies out there. Because of his self control as a Christian, he reserves all the desires for you, his lawfully wedded wife. He comes home, asks for sexual pleasure, his marital entitlement. You refuse to give him the pleasure or give him conditions for sexual pleasure such as buying you some items or giving you money.
Sexual satisfaction is a very powerful force for sustaining marital relationship and sexual starvation is very capable of making your husband act strangely.
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her body, but the husband and likewise: also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt ye not for your incontinency” (1st Corinthians 7:3-5).
3. ADULTERY: It would have been better that you were never a wife to any husband than to sleep around with some other man that is not officially married to you after wedding.
Adultery is not only a sin against God. It is dangerous to your health, your safety and your future. Adultery can make your husband’s attitude change towards you when he discovers and the hurt is usually difficult to delete because it is a spiritual matter.
I sometimes wonder why people deceive themselves with the encouragement from Satan that “my spouse will never know or find out.” For goodness sake! There is nothing hidden under the sun.
Jesus said: “…and lo, I am with you always even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).
The earth is the Lords and the fullness thereof. Amidst whatever situation you face in life, don’t ever imagine at a point that God has forgotten you. It is not possible. He follows you like a shadow. This is why you do something in secret, assuming that no one saw you. God reveals it to some Prophet and he possibly out of ignorance, broadcasts it to the public during ministration, thereby exposing your evil deeds. Are you currently deceiving your spouse? Are you living in adultery? It is time to repent because this gunpowder you have prepared or are preparing, may destroy your entire destiny when it explodes.
If you are living in adultery, it can make your husband to begin to treat you like a stranger. If your husband is living in adultery, it can produce the same result. This is why you need to have the spirit of God so that you can decipher what exactly is going on.
“Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14)
4. NOT CARING FOR YOURSELF: When you stop appearing well or live an unhygienic life just because you are married, your husband can begin to see and treat you like a stranger. Please, try within your capacity to maintain the good looks that had attracted you to him before marriage. Then, God will help you to enjoy a sustained loving attitude from him.
5. ECONOMIC PRESSURE: If your husband is a responsible person, he has a dream that revolves around taking care of your children, his siblings, his parents and possibly, your parents and siblings.
He aspires to get basic life necessities and meet up with his family responsibilities. He works towards building a house or buying a property, while paying house rent regularly, children’s school fees, getting a car, etc. His sources of income are limited and the responsibilities are increasing. Perhaps his business is even fluctuating. Under this pressure, he needs your constant encouragement. Your nagging or making demands that suggest you do not appreciate his efforts to keep you happy can make him begin to act strangely towards you.
You have to be interested in what business or job your husband is doing and offer advice and assistance where necessary to manage his pressure.
There are wives who know next to nothing about their husband’s businesses or jobs and are not interested in knowing. This is irresponsible and unsafe. It is true that some unwise husbands are unnecessarily secretive to their wives about such things but efforts must be made to know. Find out his challenges and see how you can help. That is why you are there. You are his ‘Helpmeet’.
Economic pressure can make your husband’s attitude towards you to change. This is why economic elements such as financial management skills, saving culture and others should form part of considerations for marriage by unmarried ladies. Marrying someone who is a wasteful spender and allergic to advice in this direction is not advisable.
For married people, a developing strange attitude is in most cases, periodic or temporal but if you are an amateur, you will misunderstand the mood and create or see a problem where there is none.
6. THIRD PARTY INFLUNECE: I must tell you the truth that third party influence can very easily damage a marriage, especially one that is not founded on Christ Jesus.
It is a pity that many have misconstrued foundation in Christ Jesus with being churcheous or religiosity. In this day’s world, you can be a church worker, Pastor, Bishop or Pope for many years without any personal encounter with Christ Jesus.
If the fruits of the Holy Spirit are missing from your lifestyle or that of your life partner, your marital relationship may remain a struggle.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Against such, there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23). This is a teaching for another day.
Third party influence here includes who your husband has as very close associates. Who are his friends that he takes advice from more than you or that he prefers their advice to yours? If they are drunks, definitely, alcohol-influenced advice from them will with time, begin to reflect in his character towards you. This is another reason it is unsafe for a spinster to marry a guy that is incompatible in character and says “I will change him”.
For instance, sticking to only one sexual partner for the rest of your life as a man is foolishness as far as a drunk is concerned. Allowing your wife’s superior opinion or suggestion to override yours is an error before unbelievers. So, there is a reason that Bible says “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers for what fellowship hath righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness?” (2nd Corinthians 6:14).
The reason for this is to ensure that you do not offend God by your ways of life, including during your premarital and marital phases.
Also, wrong counsel from your husband’s colleagues, business associates, friends, parents and even, siblings can lead to sudden change of your husband’s attitude towards you. You need the spirit of God to discern what exactly is happening at any point in time.
7. MENTAL CASE: In advanced countries of the world, folks subject themselves to mental examination on suspicion of a possible problem. It is not so in African societies. It is important to remember that some mental health problems do not give notices to their victims before they strike.
When your husband starts acting very strangely as if he has lost his mind, it may be necessary to seek godly counsel. Before you jump into such conclusion, please consult a medical expert. But first, consult God. You will never lose your marriage to mental case in Jesus name.
Above all, beware of the kinds of teachings you listen to in times like this. All the advice that drive towards consulting local and foreign spiritualists and voodoo people must be avoided.
Also, do not accommodate devil-inspired fears concerning your spouse. There are so many wives today that are living under unnecessary fears in marriage because of the things they see and hear.
“There is no fear in love and perfect love casts out fear. For fear hath torment with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1st John 4:18).
Besides, fellowship in marriage can conquer negative character change and influence.
You can place an order for a copy of the newly published third edition of the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu and your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony in Jesus name.
FOR PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu