If you desire a successful marital relationship, you need to be an intellectual. An intellectual is not an intellectual just because the person has academic degrees or works in a research lab. That is not what makes you an intellectual.
An intellectual is someone with great desire to learn and has capacity to change the person’s mind on issues in the direction of God’s position. An intellectual is someone who from time to time, critiques him or herself on behaviour or activities, with the objective of finding out and applying the truth, which is different from facts. You are an intellectual if you are open to new ideas based on divinely acceptable standards.
As a Christian, you are an intellectual if you are always ready to review your personal ideas, opinions and perceptions and thereafter, give way to better or superior Bible based positions. An intellectual is always breaking down old ideas to allow new ideas to grow in his or her life.
It was intellectualism that brought computer hardware and software into existence. On a frequent basis, better and more improved soft wares are developed. However, such developments do not and can never occur without the guidance and involvements of some basic elements such as the wind, air, waves, energy, transmissions, and so on.
As human beings, we have a software called behaviour which can be changed under the guidance of certain elements. If you install an old software in a new hardware, it is as good as changing its output. If you install a new software in an old software, output likely changes.
After you were born into this world, you started growing up under the development of certain ideas and perceptions about marital relationship and how it should run. At some point in life, you met someone of the opposite sex that came from another background. Now, you both have different marriage soft wares developed over the years If your software had been developed outside the guidelines of Biblical standards and you are meeting someone whose marriage software was developed based on Biblical standards, it will take divine intervention for that marriage to produce success. This is why the Bible is so true.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2nd Corinthians 6:14)
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3)
The truth is that because marriage was not man’s idea but was originated by God, attempting to enter the marital institution and operate outside the guidelines of the originator will always lead to problems.
For instance, two boys and two girls are born into a home where they have a very terrible father in terms of marital relationship. The man regularly maltreats their mother right before them, and cares very little about her feelings and emotions. The boys grow up into men with a conviction never to behave like their father in handling of wives. The girls grow up into ladies with a conviction to be very careful with men. “No man will ever be allowed to treat me like daddy treats mummy,” they say.
So, such ladies eventually receive marriage proposals from ‘innocent good’ men and begin to display ‘don’t mess with me’ attitude to the dismay of potential male spouses. Several minor issues that evolve are blown beyond proportion by the ladies, with the tone of human right activism and readiness for contention. Issues are created where there are none and the guy is wondering: “What is so serious about this issue? What have I done wrong to warrant all this overwhelming reaction I am getting?” My brother, you are not the problem. Orientation, background is the challenge here. The problem is that your softwares are different. She has a bad marriage software and she has failed to change it before thinking about this relationship.
You can imagine what will be her reaction if such a guy proposes the idea of a joint bank account to a girl whose mother had suffered into riches, after her father lost his job, only for her father to later hijack her mother’s sweat and use it to service some strange women, abandoning, despising and maltreating her mother.
Some guys also grow up under such maritally failed fathers with an orientation that it was correct to treat wives the way their father treated their mother and when they go into marital relationship, they perceive and treat their wives the way they treat their material possessions.
The influence of bad marriage software inherited from parents is very heavy on marriage. As you read this piece, it is advisable that you use the Bible to re-examine the marriage software that you possess to enable you have a successful marital relationship. Drop your bad marriage software today and get a Jesus-possessed software and attitude.
Both male and female children could have also grown up under a very terrible mother and a good father. It could have been their mother who consistently disrespected, cheated, harassed and maltreated their father and the males grew up with a conviction that women are always bad and dangerous, and should never be granted any iota of freedom. These are the husbands that eventually enslave wives in today’s society. It is a problem of old marriage software that was never changed.
The females could have also grown up with a conviction to treat husbands better than their mother did, only to get marriage proposals from guys that have prepared their minds on how to pocket any woman that they would end up having as wives. So, ‘innocent good’ wives end up suffering unnecessarily in the hands of wrongly oriented men, despite all efforts, made by the ladies to be good wives.
It is equally possible for girls whose mother had frustrated their father, to think that it is a proper way to handle a husband. So, they end up dealing terribly with innocent husbands, who may struggle consistently to impress and love them, without succeeding.
The influence of bad marriage software inherited from parents even extends to family economics.
If a man grew up in a home where his father did nothing but left his mother to shoulder all financial responsibilities of the family, the man is likely not to contribute a penny to the financial upkeep of his family when he gets married. You cannot accuse him of not loving his wife and family based on that character because he sees that lifestyle as a norm. If it was his father that shouldered all financial responsibilities when he was growing up, he is not likely to expect any financial contributions from his wife, when he marries.
If it was a girl that grew up seeing her father shoulder every single financial responsibility, she is not likely to contribute anything financially to her family when she marries, even when her husband’s income is a peanut when compared to hers. Don’t accuse her of not loving her husband because she is doing what she believes is right. She did not change the bad and old software. On the other hand, if it was her mother that shouldered financial responsibilities when she was growing up, she is likely to aspire and actually do the same thing. It is only education, informal exposure to learning or change of orientation along the path of growing up that can make things happen differently.
Any child who grew up in a home where he or she has been made to believe that no human being from any other tribe in this world except his or her own tribe of origin is reliable, will definitely have challenges in relationship with people of other tribes.
These are some of the background checks that ought to be made during courtship. This is why I wonder whether those who get married without courtship actually understand the meaning and implications of marriage.
Now, how do you know whether or not the marriage software you grew up with is good, bad or old software? Simple! Weigh your perceptions and orientations with the word of God in the Bible. If your software contradicts Biblical instructions and standards, change it by embarking on a mind renewal because any orientation that possesses you, designs your mindset and has possessed your entire life.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then, you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2).
As for you who is already married but still carry your old bad marriage software, developed under your parents, ward or environment, it is time for you to change that software. You need a new software.
There is bound to be marital crisis in a marital relationship where there is a new wine in an old wineskin because no one puts a new wine in an old bottle and expects positive result. It is just a matter of time. It is like a keg of gunpowder waiting for the right time to explode.
If you are thinking of getting married and you have an old software that contradicts Bible standards such as premarital sex, deceiving people of the opposite sex, telling them that you will marry them without any plans to do so, financial exploitation if the opposite sex and so on, you must drop that software by surrendering your heart for Jesus Christ to possess. Then, you can have a new marriage software.
If you are already in marriage but with an old software of wife battering, nagging wifehood, adultery and so on, it is time to drop that bad software and allow Jesus Christ to possess your heart, so you can have a new marriage software.
Drop your bad marriage software today and get a Jesus-possessed software and attitude. You can place an order for a copy of the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu. Your marriage will not fail in Jesus name.
FOR PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu