“The heart of man is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
Today, it is very easy for a guy to deceive a spinster into a relationship, under an assumption that the relationship will end in marriage, only to end up destroying her destiny.
How can a spinster detect that this guy attached to her by fate will jilt her after a long relationship journey? It takes grace and the mercy of God. It takes wisdom; and the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.
It is not a straight-jacket phenomenon but there are some obvious signals, which could help you as a spinster to detect that your fiancé or perceived ‘husband-to-be’ may not be trusted.
When the young man who has proposed marriage to you starts looking for deliberate reasons to hinder the actualization of your agreed wedding plans, please, advise yourself.
When a guy you perceive to be your future spouse develops cold feet over wedding plans, it could also mean that he is suddenly, no longer sure whether or not you are his missing rib. It could just be an exhibition of his indecision and double-mindedness.
If he happens to be a guy you had grown up with over the years either as a family friend, course mate, compound mate or street mate; if the guy never takes official discussions about traditional marriage and wedding seriously, it could mean that excessive familiarity has taken him away from the realm of reality.
If you have been a friend, cooking for him, washing for him and doing all sorts for him like his wife over the years, he could just be feeling that he already has you, and therefore treats with levity, the need to fulfil marriage rites as required by God, the law and tradition. If he already has you, his need for you might have dropped.
When you are not yet officially married, it is safer to marry someone who needs you rather than someone who believes he already has you. Someone who needs you tends to value chasing you more than someone who feels he has you already. It is simple psychology.
If a guy has dated you for twelve calendar months without mentioning anything about official marriage or any commitment in that direction, the guy may not be trusted to marry you.
If a guy you are dating or even engaged to for several months or years, deliberately avoids contact or communication with any of your relatives, it could mean that he does not perceive them as his future in-laws. The fact that he spends so much money on you does not guarantee that he will fulfil marriage rites to legalize the relationship.
When the person you call your future husband always gives excuses for not meeting up with appointments you fix, it means the relationship is designed to favour one party and therefore, is not likely to result in a joyful marriage.
If he prefers to spend his resources on frivolous fantasies like taking you to expensive eateries, shows, etc, instead of spending on your future like education, school fees, business investment or even house rent or property, he is very likely not to be interested in having a future with you.
If your so-called husband-to-be is the type that frowns at your godly engagements such as prayer and fasting, Bible studies and Christian engagements, it means he has a spirit that is not of God. He has an anti-Christian faith nature. If you are a born-again Christian sister, I don’t know how you intend to break scriptures that can never be broken. Light and darkness cannot work together. If you tell me about a Christian sister who married an unbeliever and the unbeliever later surrendered his life to Christ. I will say, yes; that was a miracle and a wonderful testimony. In fact, it has happened many times and will continue to happen.
However, you do not have the power or ability to change or convert any man. It is the spirit of God in the power of the word of God that changes or arrests a man. That power of God exists. That is why a fetish priest can burn down his shrine and carry the Holy Bible. That is why an armed robber can throw away his weapon and begin to preach Jesus Christ’s gospel. God can change anybody and he does so by Himself when he decides to do so.
However, what if you marry a known ritualist or cultist for instance, hoping to get him converted after wedding only for him to kill you before the conversion comes? What if you marry a known womanizer hoping to get him converted after wedding, only for him to marry a second wife after your wedding, bring in that wife, who eventually torments you and your kids, and sends you out of that home or out of this world? If he is kind enough not to have killed you, the next thing you do is to start disturbing pastors and spiritualists with prayer points and marital crisis. Can you please avoid such unpleasant adventure in your marital future?
If the guy you call your husband-to-be is always suspecting you, it means there is no trust. A premarital or marital relationship without trust is a useless venture.
There are several ways within human capacity, to detect whether a guy is being deceptive or not.
If during your discussions with him, he always makes remarks like “you women,” always criticizing women and always showing you that he has no trust for any lady including you, it means you may not be the only lady in his life, since he sees all ladies as the same, deserving no trust. The big assignment you have here if he has committed himself about marriage, is winning his trust and proving him wrong. You need God to help you do this. If for instance, other women opened their legs for him just because he gave them money without fulfilling any marriage rites, you have to prove that you are not one of those prostitutes. However, you must be spiritually sensitive and wise to know when to stop trying to use basket to fetch water.
You can beg someone to marry you but you cannot beg someone to love you. If you are one of those who do not appreciate the place of true love in success of marital relationship, it will be difficult for you to have a blissful married life.
If you observe ungodly characters in him and each time you attempt to talk about it, he changes the topic to flaunt financial wealth because he thinks that is all that matters to life, you need to be careful about him.
If as a lady, you have a fiance that is not making any effort to “leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife” as instructed in Genesis, do not even give the marriage a second thought. If for instance, he is living with his parents or relatives and he is not interested in your suggestion that he rents, acquires or builds his own house, you will be entering a marriage that third party influence could destroy in no time.
If the person you intend to marry is already assaulting you physically on a regular basis and you overlook this flaw to go ahead with the marriage, do not blame any devil for whatever happens inside the marriage. You have only deceived yourself.
You might have a fiancé who you hardly get to share time with because he is deliberately avoiding you. The nature of job or business could keep the person away physically. Fine. But you notice that each opportunity for you to be seen together in public is deliberately avoided. He even hardly picks calls when you try phone conversation. SMS messages are scarcely replied. If you go ahead to marry this person just because your relatives or society expects you to marry someone, you are likely to suffer for long in the marriage because this person is not your spouse. Don’t deceive yourself with his promise of marriage, especially after you have confirmed that he does not care about how you feel concerning these issues.
If the guy tells you he is not interested in courtship but just wants to marry you, wait and consider. Are you sure he is not trying to deny you access to certain minuses he is trying to hide from you? It is true you need to marry early but marrying a wrong person reduces lifespan.
Considering the complex nature of human beings, people undergo long courtships before marriage and still have to lean on grace of God for a joyful marriage. So, how guaranteed is the marital success of two strangers who get married without courtship?
Here is a warning for all single ladies. If you ask a tailor to make furniture for you, he cannot. He can only make dresses. So, don’t go around complaining that he is not giving you what he cannot give to you. You are the one that went to the wrong person. Do not get married to a wrong person, ignoring all signals that the person is the wrong person. Do not enter marriage, already seeing the prison that is ahead, only to get to the middle of the marriage, and complain or pretend you did not see the troubles coming.
On the issue of marrying a born again man, the truth is that a guy can claim to be born again just to secure your consent for wedding. The good news however, is that being born again is an experience and a lifestyle that reflects in fruits (character). It is not a one-off activity or title.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2nd Corinthians 5:17).
Once Christ takes over him, changes become visible. Preaching Christ openly to his old friends becomes a habit and some begin to dump him. He begins to confess to you the lies he told you before that encounter, begins to apologize to you and becomes more open to you concerning his life. He begins to exhibit initial zeal that follows salvation encounter by becoming the one, pushing you to engage in spiritual exercises that you initially struggled to engage him in. You begin to see truth in his life. With all these however, “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7).
You can place an order for a copy of the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu. Your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony in Jesus name. Amen.
FOR PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu