Character is a very powerful and vital force that can determine marital success. If you lack character or willingness to build it, you lack a hope or future in any endeavour, including marriage.
What can restrict your going far in marital journey is not the enemies waiting on the way but the character you possess. You need character to bring down the walls of many challenges in the marital journey.
The Chinese once built the great wall of China hundreds of years ago, to prevent invasion by enemies. Within the first 100 years of the wall’s existence, the Chinese were invaded three times as the external invaders did not need to climb the walls. They simply bribed the guards and entered through the doors.
They had built a security wall but failed to address character, which the guards actually lacked. This has been a remarkable lesson on the superiority of human character over any form of wealth or power.
What do you have inside of you? Hate or love? Violence or peace? Capacity to build or capacity to destroy? You can only give what you have.
The character you invest in your marriage has payback. First, the powerhouse of character production is your mind. So, you must work on your mind. “Do not be conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).
Character is like perfume. It smells everywhere you go. Character is a must-get for your marriage to work. Even religion without character is a fraud. Don’t marry someone just because he or she carries a religious title like Pastor, Imam, Prophet or Pope. If such a person is a habitual liar or fornicator, your marriage is not secured.
If you intend to get married and you do not have good character to invest in the marriage, don’t expect any positive returns. Marriage works only when there is exchange of love and care between the couple. If you have the character of giving or respecting someone only based on what you intend to get from the person, you cannot succeed in marriage because you might go into the marriage and cease to get one thing from your spouse suddenly due to either financial challenge or a mere change in character. You cannot cease to give or respect him or her. If you do, failure of the relationship becomes your fault. So, you need to build the capacity of sacrificing, giving and respecting without expecting equal returns. That is a proof that you actually love the person for who the person is, and not what you expect to get from the person. Godly love does not cease because God is love and changeth not.
How do you know whether or not you have a good character? It is determined by how you treat people who cannot do you equivalent good in return when you do them good. If as a single person, you have the capacity to do for people what they cannot do for you, then, you can consider marriage.
If you are already in marriage and you cannot do for your spouse a particular good because you think your spouse cannot do it for you, there is danger.
If you consider yourself a well-mannered person, ask yourself this question. How do you treat people who are too weak to fight you because of superiority of your status over theirs? How do you treat those who cannot fight you back?
In considering the opposite sex you are likely to marry, stop sticking to factors like physical appearance, financial status, job or location. All these aspects of the personality can change irrespective of the present situation. There are vital character elements that should be your priority. They include:
1. TRUTHFULNESS/INTEGRITY: Anybody that can lie to you can sell or kill you. If you marry the person, you are not safe. Marry a truthful person
2. PATIENCE: An impatient person can leave you at the middle of the marriage when things are not going as expected. The person can give up on you easily. The person can even jump the gun in certain situations and take actions that can cause problems for you both, in marriage. The person can equally go into criminality (armed robbery, ritual killing, etc) when things are difficult.
3. UNDERSTANDING: Someone who always wants his or her decision to overrule yours even when that opinion is obviously wrong or physically harmful to you should not be your LIFE partner. After marriage, that guy for instance, will command you to lift heavy load and trek long distances during pregnancy at the risk of your health and the baby’s health. Please, don’t marry a selfish or self-centered person.
4. HUMILITY: Don’t marry an arrogant fool who can never apologize when he or she is obviously wrong; someone who is never wrong but always right in his or her own eyes; someone who is always full of his or herself. Don’t marry the person because the person is God’s enemy and lacks grace. How do I know? “God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble” ((James 4:6).
5. LOVE: To what extent does this person care about your feelings or welfare? If you marry someone who neither cares about your feelings, nor your welfare, you may end up being alone inside the marriage.
Focus on inner character in your choice of spouse and your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony in Jesus name. Amen.
FOR PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT:
Pastor Albinus Chiedu