It is amazing how many married people keep personal information from their spouses in the name of “right to privacy.”This is one of the major factors responsible for proliferation of broken marriages.
The problem is that mankind has decided to practice marriage outside the prescriptions of the marriage ‘manual’ provided by the creator or originator of the concept. Every brand new car has a manufacturers’ manual. Any attempt to operate the car outside the provisions of the manual will result in problems. In the same vein, any attempt to operate marriage outside what the word of God (Holy Bible) provides will surely produce problems.
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were BOTH NAKED, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25).
What have we got today? A husband and a wife, contrary to the marital vow they made at the altar of God, have refused to be NAKED to each other. They keep creating and protecting territories or private parts.
Once you go into the marital institution, your privacy before your spouse becomes witheld and restricted. Although, depending on the nature of professional calling you have, there could be some traces of restriction.
For instance, as a security personnel, there are certain official information that nobody, except your bosses and colleagues should have, especially in the course of criminal investigation. As a medical practitioner, there are conditions and approaches for releasing an information to your patient, if such information is such that can break a home. As a clergy, your spouse might not need a confessed information from a counselee if disclosure could cause more relationship harm. As a company executive, there are confidential information about the organisation that may not be of benefit to your spouse. There are a few other examples of official information that may not be of any use to your spouse, all things being equal.
However, EVERYTHING that is personal to you is your spouse’s business. If you are married and things that are personal to you are secret to your spouse, you are not in marriage. Sorry, even the restriction to yourself, of official information identified earlier, depends largely on the type of spouse you have. There are spouses that can keep secrets about you even better than you can keep about yourself. Others are opposites.
If you are in a marriage where there are so many parts of you that your spouse does not know, your marriage is like a big truck loaded with fuel and kept close to a burning bush. It is a matter of time before it explodes.
“And they were BOTH NAKED, the man and his wife”
If you are about to get married and you have had a child for someone earlier without marriage, do not hide this information from your potential spouse. Give him or her full disclosure of who you are. Let him or her marry you for who you are. If you hide such information out of desperation to get married, there is danger of frustration tomorrow. It is not something you can wish away because it is human life we are talking about here. That child is a human being and tomorrow is pregnant.
How can you embark on a personal building project outside your spouses’ knowledge? What exactly is your intention? Your vision or dream is supposed to be shared with your spouse. If it is not, there is a problem. Two cannot work together except they agree.
How can you discuss matters concerning your marriage and children with your parents or relatives and even take decisions without your spouse’s knowledge? It is an error because marriage is for adults. If you still rely on those people to take decisions on your behalf concerning your wife, then, you are an adult baby. I mean, they cannot dictate to you, the school your children should attend, the house you should rent, number of children you should have, and so on, without the knowledge of your spouse. You are operating alone without your spouse and this has become a private part of you that should not exist.
If you are married, as you read this piece, identify every part of you that has remained unnecessarily private to you before your spouse, and remove them so that your intimacy can be stronger and your marriage can be sweeter.
If you are in a Christian marriage, your spouse should know how much exactly is your monthly salary or income and when it is paid. This should not be a private part of you.
Your spouse should have free access to your phone and telephone conversations if you do not have ulterior motives. Your spouse should know the opposite sex that you relate with and what exactly your relationship with them is (official, platonic, social, etc). Every relationship with an opposite sex must be defined and operated as defined.
For the sake of your personal security and other factors, your spouse should know the kind of business partners you have and what kind of business you do with them.
When your spouse offends you, learn to express the hurt and then, forgive. Do not make the hurt a private part of you and continue to act its product. Also, do not say or claim to have forgiven your spouse an offense but keep bringing up the issue, each time opportunity presents itself. Unforgiveness keeps you personally far from God and threatens your marital relationship.
The truth is that there is actually nothing hidden under the sun. You may think that having many private parts that your spouse does not know is an act of wisdom but “the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God” (1ST Corinthians 3:19).
In your relationship with your spouse, do away with all UNNECESSARY private parts today and your marriage shall be a blessing.
FOR PRAYERS, COUNSEL, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu