What does it mean to fall in love with someone? This question might sound naive but the truth is that the meaning of true love has eluded majority of adults.
As a result of advancements in communication channels and volume of information available, many teenagers and single young men and women in our society have become either confused or remained ignorant about love’s identity. This has obviously affected their individual relationship with God, because you cannot give what you don’t have. So, you often hear the phrase: ‘I love God’, from someone who always deliberately and openly does things that break God’s heart.
We are now in a society where we love things and use people instead of loving people and using things. What does this mean? You love fashion, your dresses, gold, chains, beads, parties, cars, and so on. You use your husband to get them but you don’t care so much about him and his feelings or his challenges.
You love your cars, your job, football, your house and your friends but you don’t care that much about your wife. In fact, you love your children that you used your wife to get but you don’t care about your wife, her feelings, challenges, etc.
As marriage teachers, we get to hear this kind of question: “HOW DO I KNOW THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE IN THE CONTEXT OF MARRIAGE?.”
Love is a thing of the heart. When you give your heart to someone, you are in love with the person. The implication is that when you give your heart, you have given yourself. When you have given yourself, you can give anything (as a Christian) within the limits of biblical injunctions. When you discover that you will be willing to give anything, including time, money, energy and efforts just to make someone happy, you are in love with that person. When you discover that you care and dream about the person’s success and progress all the time, you are in love.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful” (1st Corinthians 13:4-5).
Each time this person offends you, you forgive the person even before the person’s apology comes. This is love. Whenever you are considering a destiny-related decision such as career change or choice of job, what to do with your money and even choice of where to live, you seek and consider the person’s opinion and feelings. Before you embark on personal major projects, you don’t go ahead until you discuss it with the person. You are in love.
Whenever you are with this person, you feel fulfilled and happy, and only few other things matter to you. When the person is not available when you expect the person to be, you feel lonely and depressed. Whatever negative experiences the person has, affects you negatively. You share the person’s pains, challenges, joyful moments and so on.
If you are a married person reading this piece and you do not have the above feelings and attitudes towards your partner, there is a big problem and you need a counsellor.
In the context of marriage however, biblical injunctions restrict such feelings, emotions and sentiments to certain categories of people. If you have such relationship with someone of the same sex or someone already related to you by blood and you go ahead to marry the person, you are an enemy of God (Leviticus 18:5-23).
If you are single, you are not expected to have such relationship with a married person of the opposite sex, or marry the person. It is a sin.
Again, when you have such relationship with a non-relative who is an opposite sex, make sure you are not in the relationship just because of the leadership or hero position you occupy over the person’s condition. For instance, it could be that the person is in prison, hospital, in a police case or some other trouble and automatically, you are the one providing food or assistance. Maybe the person is in financial crisis and you are the rescue party. You are at the giving end and this keeps the person in a humble, respectful and appreciative position. Do not assume that your marriage to this person will bring you joy until you subject your submissiveness to the person to test, after the person’s recovery. As a lady, it could be that you enjoyed the relationship and thought you were in love because the guy was down and you were in control. When he gains his freedom and tries to assert his position as the man in the relationship, do you have the emotional and mental capacity to forget and put behind you his past down time, face reality and submit yourself to him as a wife to be?
Do you have some challenges similar to the ones described above in your pre-marital or marital relationship? Talk to us as we trust God together in prayers and bible-driven wisdom to tackle this challenge.
You can also place an order for your copy of the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu and study how to make the right choice of a life partner, the rules of courtship, among other lessons.
Your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony in Jesus name. Amen.
FOR QUESTIONS, COUNSEL, PRAYERS, CONTACT:
Pastor Albinus Chiedu