Because of the high unemployment rate and massive loss of jobs in recent years, many married men have found themselves heading homes where their wives have access to more economic strength and so, provides for the financial needs of everyone.
Many wives have likewise, contrary to their expectations on the day of wedding, found themselves having to shoulder financial responsibilities that their husbands ought to handle.
If you are a husband that has lost your job or has never been employed despite all your efforts, leading to a situation where your wife does what you are supposed to do in terms of provision, I can tell you for free that the wicked devil is responsible for your condition if your perceive it as a challenge. If it is illness that has made it difficult for you to generate income as a husband, the same devil is responsible. It is also the devil that delays your getting a good regular income source.
For a truly born again Christian couple, having the situation of a wife being the breadwinner does not constitute an issue because understanding, love, patience and wisdom prevail and husband and wife remain one in the eyes of God.
For the thousands of couples however who lack these basic qualities of a Christian marriage and requirements for marital success, marital crisis evolves and the devil celebrates. Self begins to rule. The wife begins to disrespect her husband because of economic status while the husband begins to feel inadequate.
What is the devil’s ambition? It is to ensure that the marriage fails. Devil does not want any marriage to succeed.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..” (John 10:10).
If you are a husband currently undergoing this challenge, you may be under pressure to report your wife’s perceived disrespect to a third party, or release your confidential issues to outsiders. That MAY NOT be the right decision in every case (cases vary).
If your reason for seeing a problem in this situation is the fear of being tagged ‘woman wrapper’, you do not have a problem as long as you are wrapper only to your own legally married wife and not to any other woman (Ephesians 5:25-33).
If you have started struggling to retain the marital relationship but for the children, then, it is possible you were never sincere about your love for your wife from the beginning of the marriage. It implies that if the children were absent, you would have divorced her years ago. Why do I say so? Remember that children alone, was not the condition you gave for living with her forever on your wedding day at the altar, standing before the Almighty God. Do you remember the words in your vow, declaring readiness to love and be with her forever irrespective of storms (including economic storms) of life.
Besides, who tells you that she is not just also accommodating you and the sufferings she is into, because of the children?
The kind of grace that your wife carries, being able to stand and take care of situation for so long despite challenges, is the kind of grace that many men out there are praying for in a wife. So, you are blessed. Can’t you see?
Remember that your wife is also a human being and not a spirit. Maybe your expectations from her in this condition have been too high and you have not put in enough replacement for the absence of inadequate financial capability. Money is not everything as the father of all liars have made the world to believe (John 8:44). Otherwise, billionaire couples would not have been divorcing every day.
Listen! When she goes out to work every day, she interacts with friends and colleagues and they chat. Many discuss in her presence, how they can never take rubbish from any man, including their husbands at home. They discuss how their husbands spend so much on taking care of them and all that. She hears all these things. However, they will not narrate how they prostrate and worship their husbands at home in return. They will only tell what their husbands do for them but not what they do in return for appreciation. It is easy to buy this one-sided narrative. You know?
Now, lets come to your wife who hears these things. She looks at her own marriage and begins to wonder if God has been fair to her. She begins to wonder whether she is actually doing the right thing by playing the breadwinner role in her marriage.
If you, the husband, is the one throwing tantrums out of what you consider to be a frustrating situation, feeling inadequate or not living up to expectations, then, you have a problem. The challenge is that you may not have been considering her feelings enough. You have just been looking at your condition and thinking that you deserve her pity and respect amidst the abnormal situation in the financial aspect of the relationship.
When your wife was coming into the marriage, she didn’t expect that she would have control of the family economics. She knows it is not normal. She didn’t want it that way. But now, that is what it is. That is the reality. But if she is not the nagging type, complaining or giving you attitudes of complaints; if she is living as a true Christian wife, supportive, hardworking and responsible, all you need to do is more of replacement vacuum-filling therapy to encourage her.
You may think she is happy about the situation. You may just be wrong. Maybe you have been busy looking at your desired ‘husband’ status in the relationship instead of the entire ‘husband and wife’ picture.
Broaden your perspective of marriage and your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony (Romans 12:2).
It may not be your fault at all that you do not have a regular source of income. You did not pray for such situation. But I tell you, so many husbands are in worse financial mess than yourself. Yet, many of them still have happy marriages. The difference is ORIENTATION, ATTITUDE, PATIENCE, WISDOM, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, PERSEVERANCE, FAITH, TRUE LOVE, SACRIFICE AND ABOVE ALL, SELFLESSNESS. They always insist that the marriage must work, relying on Christ’s foundation and faith in his supernatural powers and grace.
Maybe you are even being tempted to give your wife or family some space, by separating from them. Who tells you that some guy out there has not been planted by Satan, who is pushing you to do that so that the person will come and take over your wife, the fruit of your labour over the years? Satan could also have planted a lady wherever you are running to, waiting to ruin your life. It is all Satan’s gimmicks.
Besides, how does your separation from your wife solve your personal problems of irregular income source? Brother, watch out! The devil is working on ruining you and your marriage.
God has no business with failure or failed projects. If you are a Christian husband, your marriage must work except if you are saying that you did not fulfill the Biblical and traditional requirements for marriage before you started living together. Don’t throw away your years of emotional and spiritual investment in relationship because of Satan’s advice.
If your wife is becoming disrespectful to you because she has shouldered your marital responsibilities for so long, there are a number of things you can do to conquer the negative stakeholder (Satan) in this project called marriage. You must understand that your priority and God’s priority is to ensure that your marriage works.
In case your virtuous wife is beginning to listen to the voice of Satan,
1. Fast & Pray: If you can fast and pray for a good job and for regular money to enter your hands, you can as well, fast and pray, with just one prayer point. The prayer point is that your precious wife’s respect and heart should return to your hands so that your marital destiny will be rescued from Satan. It is all about the heart. Win her heart back. Your problem is solved.
2. Supply Her Appreciation: If you have been the one creating room for quarrels of recent, start by apologizing for all the recent quarrels. Forget about who is right or wrong. From now, let her see a sudden change in you in terms of level of appreciation of her contributions to the marriage’s success. Begin strange expressions of appreciation whenever she returns from work. Embrace and kiss her and receive her bag. Then, pump words of praises into her ears, telling her that you would have made a mistake in this world if you didn’t marry her. Introduce her proudly at occasions as your wife that you cannot do without, and praise her in public. Assist her even in domestics when the children are absent. If she asks what has happened to you suddenly, tell her that you read your Bible better and discovered what to do. In this way, humility can produce humility.
3. Be Transparent: Always brief her on efforts you are making to generate income and give her hopes on how God is helping you and that soon, the whole situation will improve. Don’t ever lie to her. If you have been doing so, stop.
4. Study Bible Together: There is power in the word of God. Buy Christian video messages that teach about respect of wife for husband and listen to the messages together. If she is the reading type, get articles on such topics. Read and pass to her to read. Attend marriage seminars together and study Bible verses on such issues together. Sometimes, when you are both together, tell her to kneel down. Pray for her, calling her name and declaring good things over her life.
5. Acquire Skills: Broaden your mind and acquire skills on ways of making money legitimately. You can even have multiple sources of income without a salary job. Make research and go for trainings to acquire knowledge and skills.
6. Stick To God’s Way: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2). One God-based counsel on marriage is always more beneficial than a thousand pieces of advice based on various human and public opinions. Majority position is not always God’s position and God is the originator of marriage. The wisdom of this world is foolishness unto God.
If you prayerfully do the above, with time, you will see a brand new wife. You can also read the MARITAL ISSUES section of www.albinuschiedu.com. It will help you.
As for you who is taking advantage of your wife’s Christianity or strict compliance with Biblical injunctions on marriage, you are working against God’s expectations. It is time for you to repent. Don’t exploit, defraud, cheat or maltreat your wife because of her Christian nature. If you do that, you are an enemy of God. Enemies of God have no bright future because “God is angry with the wicked everyday” (Psalm 7:11).
If you are that wife, who is beginning to disrespect your husband because you have an edge financially or better access to finance, stop despising the prince of God out of your spiritual blindness and ignorance. Otherwise, you stand the chance of being referred to as a “worker of iniquity” (Luke 13:27, Matthew 7:23) at the end. Don’t be ungrateful to God. Live to please him ONLY (Romans 12:2).
Husband! Wife! Obey God’s word and your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony in Jesus name. Amen.
FOR COUNSEL, PRAYERS, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu