The Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary describes the word “Understanding” as “knowledge about a subject, situation, etc, or about how something works.”
It is also “a positive, honest, sympathetic relationship between two people or groups.” It is equally “an informal agreement between people.” Again, it is “the ability to know how someone else is feeling or what the person’s situation is and can forgive the person if the person does something wrong.”
From the above explanations, it is right to say that the word MISUNDERSTANDING means that someone “missed to understand.” So, when there is a conflict in a premarital or marital relationship, what is needed is that each party should seek to understand the other party rather than embark on blame game.
“Good UNDERSTANDING GAINS FAVOUR but the way of the UNFAITHFUL is HARD. Every prudent man acts with knowledge but a fool lays open his folly” (Proverbs 13:15-16).
As a single person that aspires to get married someday, if you want your marriage to be outstanding, you must seek some level of understanding of the institution before you enrol in this university that has no graduation date.
Today, many young people have the ambition or desire to get married and be successful in marriage. Ironically, many of them are not interested in gathering and research on this subject. If you are single and intend to have a joyful marriage but you are not interested in reading marriage books, attending marriage seminars or even interacting with the married, to gather experiences, you are deceiving yourself. You don’t even want to know what the Bible says about marriage? Sorry!
There are too many things you need to understand about marriage before you embark on premarital relationship. You need to understand God’s prescribed procedures and processes of choosing a life partner. Is courtship and engagement possible without sin of fornication? How? What about the viruses that can ensure failure in marriage such as wrong orientation or mentality, addiction to public opinion, disobedience to God’s word, bad habit, religious ignorance and so on?
If you jump into marriage without understanding, you will distort your destiny, deny yourself of all gains and favour that God has packaged for you, and expose yourself to unnecessary hardship.
What is your purpose of wanting to get married? Does it align with God’s purpose for inventing marriage? Marriage is not man’s idea. It originated from God. Every brand new car comes with a manufacturer’s manual. Any attempt to operate the car outside the manual’s specifications will lead to problems. In the same vein, any attempt to operate marriage outside the standards of its originator as specified in his word will result in challenges.
As a married man, you need to understand your spouse if you desire to have the gains and favours that marriage offers.
“Good UNDERSTANDING GAINS FAVOUR but the way of the UNFAITHFUL is HARD. Every prudent man acts with knowledge but a fool lays open his folly”.
A lot of things that your spouse could do that offends you, might not annoy you or mean anything to you if you have understanding. For instance, you both work. Your wife combines her rigorous office duties with domestic responsibilities. On this particular day, because of the pressure of work in the office, she could not meet up with getting the meal ready as usual. If you shout and make trouble after she has apologized for this incident, you lack understanding.
Your husband recently invested in a private business from his salary as agreed by you both. As a result, he now struggles with certain financial responsibilities like buying you clothes and shoes. If you make any trouble out of this development, you lack understanding.
Without understanding, there can be no gain or favour in marriage. The truth is that many people love marriage but they are not ready to do what successful marriage requires. Many have failed due to simple ignorance.
“…the way of the unfaithful is hard.” Unfaithfulness creates hardship and indicates lack of understanding.
When you commit adultery, you violate the wedding vow, which was a covenant made before God at his altar. He can never forget the covenant. Let me remind you: “I Brother/Sister ABC do accept you, Brother/Sister XYZ as my wife/husband to have and to hold, for better for worse. I will love you in plenty, in poverty, in good health and sickness. I will nurse and honour you according to the will of God till death do us part.”
Your marital vow is not a joke. There are consequences when you break it. One of the consequences is hardship. Unfortunately, this hardship manifests most times when you approach your old age; when you are supposed to enjoy the peace of retirement, the fruits of your labour of children’s upbringing.
If you are married but lack enough understanding of this institution you have entered, seek understanding. No marriage can ever be outstanding without understanding.
The book titled MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu can help you. Reading it can help your marriage to become a blessing. Your marriage shall be a testimony in Jesus name! Amen!.
FOR COUNSEL, PRAYERS, CONTACT
Pastor Albinus Chiedu