According to Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, fear is “an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful or bad that is happening or might happen.”
Today, many single ladies are in courtship with the wrong guys because of fear. There are different kinds of fears. The most prevalent are the fear of rejection and the fear of never getting married. Maybe you are entering or you entered a pre-marital relationship and you are fighting to keep it alive amidst abuse and pain you might be suffering. Because you are afraid of breaking up, you have stayed in it despite the torture. To you, breaking up means you are not good enough for that your partner. You are now struggling to be accepted by your partner in spite of the flaws and weakness in his or her character.
There is also the fear of getting old. A lady who believes she is aging and no one is coming for her, may stay in a relationship, not because of love but because she feels she has no options open to her. Such lady will grab whatever is thrown her way.
In some cases, a lady feels that because the guy is not pressurizing her for sex, she must be below standard. Such fears will inform her jumping into a relationship and hanging on, for as long as it takes to marry the young man. But the truth is that men can smell fear a mile away. They can sense your intentions and motives if you are desperately hanging on to the relationship because of fear. To move ahead in life, you must deal with fear. Become more confident in your pre-marital relationship. If someone is not qualified to be your spouse, the person is not. Don’t hang on to the person because of fear.
Many marital and pre-marital relationships today are existing under fear of widely held opinions that are sometimes, not correct. The theory of “let me agree to have sex with my fiancé so that he would not change his mind about expected marriage to me” has been proved wrong a million times over. Unfortunately, many people have continued to have pre-marital sex under the fear of being jilted because of sex. Having sex with someone of the opposite sex has never, and can never guarantee marriage to the person.
Are you a man that has remained single just for the fear of tomorrow’s responsibilities? You must understand that the success of tomorrow is the result of today’s vision, and effective planning. Even if you remain single without planning and vision for the future, you will still fail tomorrow as a single person. That will not be your portion in Jesus name!.
It is fear that makes a man or woman to commit adultery in search of a male child. But can a human being be smarter than God? Isn’t it possible for God to get angry and hold this deliberate sin against you even after getting the child from adultery?
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy one
is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10)
It is fear that makes a man begin to monitor the movement of his loving wife because she got a political appointment or gained employment in a certain high status peopled environment. It is fear that makes a woman begin to monitor the movement of her loving husband because he commenced a business transaction with a group of people that happened to be females. It is fear that makes a single lady or guy pray that she will not marry someone whose parents are still alive. It is important to note that this particular fear is the product of a love that is not possessive enough because “
there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made
perfect in love” (1st John 4:18 KJV).
It is fear that makes a father or mother to meddle into the internal affairs of his/her married child’s marriage and attempt to dictate what happens in the home of that child after giving out the person for marriage.
It is fear that makes a wife embark on a building project without the knowledge of the husband. It is fear that makes a man hide information about his income or finance details from his wife. It is fear of poverty that makes people use their relatives or fellow human beings for ritual money-making.
It is fear of loss of control, self gratification and dominion that makes a mother embark on fetish means to manipulate relationship between her child and another person’s child.
I can go on and on with examples of how fear has destroyed people, families, relationships and destinies. How can fear be conquered in a pre-marital or marital relationship?
First, you must realize that most fears regarding marriage are borne out of opinions imposed by other people as well as experiences, most of which were reported or narrated to you.
Secondly, we must understand that there are two major kinds of fear. There is the fear of falling. This includes the fear of tomorrow and the fear of failing in the choices we make or things we do. The second kind of fear is the fear of noise. This involves the fear of “what will people say or think?” Also, “they said that so and so happens or is happening here and there. I am afraid it is likely to happen to me too”. This is the fear of noise. But “fear hath torment.” “Fear has to do with punishment” (1st John 4:18 NIV). It is induced by the devil to ensure you do not achieve God’s purpose for your life. All you need do is “resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).
Also, if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal saviour, know that “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a
sound mind” (2nd Timothy 1:7).
“For you have not received a spirit of bondage again to fear, but you have
received the Spirit of divine adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15).
Love casteth out fear. If love for your spouse is true and your spouse’s love for you is true, fear will disappear. This is why foundation is very important in marital relationship. How did you meet him or her? Was there a courtship period? What were the ingredients of the relationship? Were strings attached? etc. These and many other factors determine the success of a marital relationship.
Now, what if your spouse does not love you as much as you love him/her? What if the person doesn’t or no longer loves you at all? The answer to these and many other likely questions are in the book titled MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu. Also, send me SMS, call or e-mail. Let’s talk.
FOR QUESTIONS, COUNSEL & PRAYERS, CONTACT:
The Coordinator, MARITAL ISSUES
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria