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Identity Of A Pre-Marital Relationship That May Never Work

Identity Of A Pre-Marital Relationship That May Never Work

It is the foundation of every building that determines to what extent that building can keep standing. In the same vein, the foundation of a marital relationship determines the durability and success of such relationship.

Today, marriages collapse for various reasons such as faulty foundation, evil seed from third parties, spiritual manipulation and other products of Satan, the devil. However, research has shown that very many marriages fail as a result of faulty foundations. Examples of faulty foundation in marriage are very many.

A marriage without premarital courtship has a faulty foundation. Marriage is not a joke. If you are among those who believe that courtship before marriage is not necessary, you are deceiving yourself.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Human beings are complex in nature.

If couples who had premarital courtship still have to trust God’s grace and assistance for success in marriage, I don’t know how a male and female adult that met face-to-face for the first time on their wedding day can live together happily ever after as husband and wife. It might have happened but that was just a gamble.

Courtship involves observation of each other’s attitudes, likes and dislikes, facial reaction to situations, voice and action expression modes and so on. If you lack information on these and other necessary factors in someone of the opposite sex, who you intend to live with for the rest of your life, and you are looking forward to a blissful marriage, you are a joker.

A premarital relationship involving sexual intercourse has a faulty foundation. Sex-driven relationship is a failure going somewhere to happen. Sex is a very powerful force but is not strong enough to make a relationship work if other critical factors are missing from it. Good sexual performance is not equal to good spouse material. The character of a person cannot be accurately measured or judged by how good or bad he/she is in bed. This relationship is driven by lust. Here, sex becomes a narcotic that deadens you to the real world. Doors on all other areas of your life are closed just to satisfy your lust. When this happens, you are blind and deaf to reason. You bluntly refuse to see the weaknesses and character flaws of your sin partner because the pleasure of sex has taken over your faculty of judgement. This relationship is self-centred and selfish. The moment sexual pleasure ceases, the relationship crumbles. If your partner sees another person who could possibly perform better than you in bed, he/she will dump you. All he or she knows about you is how good you are in bed. That is the criteria by which he measures your person. Your worth as a human being should be measured by the universal values of honesty, integrity, love, vision, diligence, among others. Judging you by your sexual ability reduces you to the level of a prostitute. Premarital sex does not guarantee a successful marriage. The best it can do is to guarantee a wedding ceremony. Wedding ceremony is a one-day event. Marriage is a lifetime affair.

Don’t sponsor somebody’s education for the purpose of marrying the person. If you sponsor somebody’s university education, that is charity. But this must be separated from marital commitments. Don’t tie your marital relationship to that.

Please! Don’t get me wrong. People have succeeded with such arrangements. But such people only got married because they loved each other and desired to marry themselves; not because someone sponsored somebody’s education. It is not a reason for marriage. This mix-up has broken many hearts.

Don’t lie about who you are to the person you intend to marry. A lie-driven relationship is a relationship built on a faulty foundation. Don’t lie about your past, your career, family and future. “My father is the owner of Lagos head bridge”, and so on. The problem here is that you will always need new lies to cover up the former ones you created. Deception is the order of the day in such relationship, and you are never sure of what to say or do to avoid being caught. Trust, the foundation for a lasting relationship, is absent in this relationship. So, it stands on a sandy soil. If for instance, you told the guy you are a virgin or you have never committed abortion, or you attended a school you never did or you worked in a certain place; one day, the lie will be discovered. This may end the relationship, even though the person eventually started falling in love with you.

A marital relationship that is built on the dictates of one of the party’s parents has a faulty foundation. Marriage is for adults and not for babies. If as a potential husband, it is your parents that dictate how much you give to your fiancee, which church your potential wife must attend, which job your fiancée must be doing before your marriage proposal and so on, there is already fault in your marital foundation.

A marital relationship that is strictly based on class connection is a faulty one. Here, the couple are drawn together because of their family business, political, financial or social ties. Many wealthy families arrange marriages between their children for economic reasons. The parents here want to create a synergy between their family businesses and create more wealth for themselves. The parties are groomed to believe that they can only marry within a particular social class of people. Love does not matter most times. As long as business will flourish, the wedding holds.

The danger here is that the couple may get married and have a couple of children but their lives will be a farce, fake life. They may keep up appearances for people, attend parties and other social engagements together but in most cases, they both have affairs outside their marriage.

“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1st Corinthians 3:11).

Maybe you are looking for a guy or lady who drives the kind of car you drive, lives in the same exclusive and posh area of town like you, travels a lot and is very rich. You are looking for a class-driven relationship. If you want genuine happiness in your relationship, you should look for a guy or lady you are compatible with. You both should have genuine and unpretentious love for each other irrespective of class differences. It is only within the class of people with Christ’s nature that you can have such guarantee.

“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1st Corinthians 3:11).

If you had a child before you met your fiancé or fiancée, you hide such information and go ahead to marry the person, your marriage has a faulty foundation. The person you marry must know who you truly are.

You can beg someone to marry you but you cannot beg someone to love you. You might have a fiancée or fiancé who you hardly get to share time with because he or she is deliberately avoiding you. The nature of job or business could keep the person away physically. Fine. But you notice that each opportunity for you to be seen together in public is deliberately avoided. He or she even hardly picks calls when you try phone conversation. SMS messages are scarcely replied. If you go ahead to marry this person just because your relatives or society expects you to marry someone, you are likely to suffer for long in the marriage because this person is not your spouse. Don’t deceive yourself with his or her promise of marriage, especially after you have confirmed that he does not care about how you feel concerning these issues.

Don’t feel that someone is doing you a favour by dating you. There is an inner beauty or character in you that attracts the person to you. There is a need that your presence or relationship is meeting, in the person’s life. This means that you are important to his or life and by extension, his or her destiny. Now, when this person you expect to marry you starts avoiding you or your presence, it means the person is not your spouse. Trying to manipulate or pressurize the person to marry you means constructing the road to your own unhappiness in life.

If you have a premarital relationship in which your partner does not care about your pocket size when making demands from you, there is fault in that foundation. Money is important to marriage but money-driven relationship is not safe. When the size of wallet becomes the ONLY REASON that a marital relationship exists, money determines how you feel and respond to each other. When he gives you money and expensive gifts, you love and cherish him. But when he doesn’t, it is trouble. No money, no love. This also applies to a guy who marries a lady because she has money. It is slavery. The person’s money buys your conscience and your feelings. Even if you see the person flirting with other people, you tend to overlook it because you are enslaved by his/her money. It is the wallet you love and not the person. Your feelings don’t matter. It is almost impossible to deny the person sex because when you do, he/she zips up the big wallet. If for any reason, the person loses the financial status, your love immediately dies. You become irritated, impatient and angry around him/her.

If all you want in a marriage is someone who has money, remember that money has wings and can fly away. There can be a sack from that plum job tomorrow. Business can shake or face challenges tomorrow depending on economy. When any of these happen, are you sure you can remain in the marriage? How about that person you call fiancée or fiancé today? Does the person have capacity to withstand such storm if it comes?

If premarital courtship is carried out in sincerity based on biblical standards and godly love, the capacity to withstand possible challenges will be there. Today, many people are going through heartbreaks and marital crisis because of faulty foundations in form of self deceit and failure to comply with God’s instructions.

For instance, you are 37 years old. You meet someone of 35 years old who tells you that he or she has been born again for 10 years. In the course of premarital relationship, you discover that this person still tells lies, commits fraud and is even trying to lure you into sexual immorality. Because you are in love, you say: “well, by the time I marry him or her, the person may change.”

If after 10 years of being born again, this person still tells lies, and God has not been able to change his lifestyle from that of sexual immorality and fraud, are you more powerful than God?

Some problems ahead of marriage are just too obvious at premarital stage but self deceit is a challenge. Again, if sexual immorality is already involved in a premarital relationship, it is usually difficult to tell your sin partner that marriage cannot hold even when you eventually discover that you are not meant for each other. You are too emotionally deep inside, to come out of such relationship. This is how many people have sentenced themselves to a marital life of sorrow and unimaginable crisis.

Here is a warning for all singles. Do not get married to a wrong person, ignoring all signals that the person is the wrong person. Do not enter marriage, already seeing the prison that is ahead, only to get to the middle of the marriage, and complain or pretend you did not see the troubles coming.

Marriage is more of spiritual than logical affair? Successful marriage is a mystery that is beyond financial, intellectual and logical capacity (Ephesians 5:31-32). There are marital relationships that have devilish foundations and require deliverance.

If your marriage was conducted in your absence and dowry or bride price was paid, you may not be aware of demonic sacrifices that could have been made on your behalf. In this case, you need to ask questions and the blood of Jesus that speaketh better things than the blood of Abel has capacity to break or nullify whatever evil pronouncements had been made against your marriage at foundation.

If your marriage to your spouse involved a blood covenant in which you cut yourselves and drank each other’s blood, your union needs deliverance.

If satanic agents or spiritualists were consulted before decisions were made concerning your marriage, there is a foundational problem. If your marriage got contracted based on demonic prophecy or you were brought together by a false prophet or an occultic seer, there is foundational problem.

If you got married out of parental pressure or any form of pressure with the absence of love, there is a foundational problem with that relationship except if by divine intervention, love has developed overtime.

If your marriage was gotten by fraud, deliverance is necessary. For instance, your husband knew but deliberately failed to inform you before marriage that he was impotent. The same is the case of a woman whose womb had been removed but did not inform her husband before marriage.

If you are still single, you must protect your marital future from the troubles associated with problematic foundations. How can you protect your marriage from a faulty foundation? The first basic step required is to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and personal saviour. What does this mean?

We understand from the Bible in Genesis 1:26-30 how our first parents, Adam and Eve lost fellowship with God after creation. They committed sin. God out of love, sent his only begotten son Jesus Christ to come to the world to die for our sins, and reconcile us back to God (John 3:16).

When you give birth to a child, there are certain things that you don’t have to teach the child like lying, etc. Naturally, the child will commit certain sins as time goes on, if there is absence of godly parentage because he has sinful adamic nature. All of us came into this world like that. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). The day you are born, you are already a sinner. It is when you now understand the difference between good and evil, Jesus and the devil, you then, make up your mind to drop sinful nature, surrender your heart to Jesus so that he can possess your life because anything that posses your heart has possessed your entire life.  When this happens, it means that anything Jesus cannot do, you can no longer do them. Jesus cannot steal, lie, cheat, fight, fornicate, bear malice, manipulate, deceive, hate, kill, etc. You now carry a spirit called Jesus and cannot be operating with a different spirit. That is the meaning of being born again.

It is an ever memorable experience and no secret. People notice, testify that you no longer do sinful things you did previously. You too, are always excited to tell people what Jesus has done to your life. That is the meaning of born again. You are starting life all over again. “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold all things are become new” (2nd Corinthians 5:17). It means you have become a spiritual new born baby before God and have received grace to conquer sin.

Until you have this experience, you are an enemy of God, though you may have been known as Pope, Bishop, Pastor, Prophet, Deacon, Deaconess, Apostle, Imam and so on. As long as you are living in sin, you are an enemy of God, set for hell fire.

This experience however does not come by your own personal ability but by “grace through (your) faith” “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of
God: Not of works, lest any man should boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

“For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men” (Titus 2:11). So, there is nothing like ‘expert in deliverance.’ It is God himself that delivers. “If the Son therefore shall set you free, ye shall be free indeed” (John 8:36).

God keys into your faith to deliver you if the faith is available. Other methods of getting deliverance include access to the right information from teachings and books, intensive fasting and prayers, application of the right solution and knowledge gathered, to your situation (You can know something and not do it), divine revelation, withdrawal from ungodly habits, and so on. Now, God can decide to use a vessel to achieve any of these, within the guidelines of the Bible. God is the Almighty deliverer.

Examples of marriages with faulty foundations are just too many and cannot be exhausted here. But there is a solution. By this time yesterday, God knew that by this time today, you will be reading this write-up, receiving this message. God alone can deliver. I do not know your own case. He knows. Do you want to accept Jesus Chrsit as your Lord and saviour?

“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1st Corinthians 3:11).

Say this prayer: “Lord Jesus! I come to you as I am. Please, forgive me my sins. Wash me with your precious blood. I confess you Jesus as my Lord and saviour. Visit my case and change my story. Thank you for taking over my life from today in Jesus name. Amen! Congratulations!


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