In recent months, the media has been awash with reports of people either committing suicide or attempting to do so. Suicide is the act of killing yourself intentionally or causing your own defeat for various reasons, most of which are yet to be confirmed by investigations.
It is only a thorough scientific research that can establish whether or not there is a link between suicidal incidents and marital relationships. There are suicides that are not pre-planned but occur following a bad news or negative discovery that affect self esteem. However, experts say that most incidents of suicide occur after certain processes.
First, there is suicidal ideation. Here, the idea of suicide occurs to an individual as a result of a particular unpleasant experience, shameful encounter or unsatisfactory result of a personal self evaluation. After suicidal ideation, there is suicidal urge or ambition which is the urge to end life’s journey. Thereafter, suicide attempt follows. Sometimes, the actual suicide occurs.
One of the known causes of suicide is depression. Depression is a situation where the victim suddenly has feelings of severe despondency and dejection. It is a sudden feeling of being unimportant. The person begins to feel empty, hopeless or worthless. Sometimes, this is caused by inability to achieve a certain life goal to which so much passion and emotion has been applied. Also, when you suddenly begin to lose interest in a good venture you were very passionate about, or begin to withdraw from good people that you hitherto could not do without, or begin to witness change in your sleep habit or notice that your entire life is being stressed up without enough rest, watch it.
The ability to resist depression (i.e. hope and persistence entertainment capacity) and the temptation to commit suicide, is subject to the mental and psychological strength of the personality involved (weak or strong personality), environmental factors and hereditary factors. For instance, if you belong to an environment where you are bombarded regularly with pictures of hopelessness, how difficult and impossible life is, and how unreliable your government, leadership and society is, you may be at risk. It is worse if this challenge is coming from your spouse.
Today, very many people are depressed even though it is not everyone that considers the suicide option. However, it could be easy for a depressed person to embrace the thought of suicide when the person’s spouse withdraws an existing true love from the relationship. What I am saying here is that you must stop doing those things that could push your spouse into considering suicide. You may never have opportunity to right your wrong beginnings but there will always be an opportunity to right your present and future.
When your spouse is a born again Christian and you constantly and deliberately deny him or her sexual pleasure because you know there is a biblical injunction against adultery, you are pushing your spouse towards frustration in marriage. This could lead to a stupid action like rape of someone else, following a leading of the devil through you. This may result in disgrace, and then, suicide ideation.
You have gone to have a male child outside your marriage without your wife’s knowledge and you know she loves and trusts you so much, even though she has only female children or does not even have any child. When she discovers this by herself, what do you think will happen to her? Of course, you have set a suicide trap.
Your spouse’s boss in the office is a bully and treats him or her like a slave but the job is difficult to leave for obvious reasons. The bigger problem is that when he or she gets home from work each day, what the person gets from you is nagging, maltreatment, oppression and violence instead of encouragement. You are working for Satan to push your spouse into a realm of danger.
Out of love over the years, your spouse has been releasing a bulk of his or her hard earned resources to you each time you make a request. Unknown to the person, you have been spending his or her sweat on an illicit relationship. What do you think could happen when the person discovers?
Have you been taking advantage of your husband because of his overwhelming love for you to the extent of portraying him as a fool before his younger ones and relatives, colleagues or subordinates? My dear, sometimes, you do not appreciate the value of what you have until you lose it. You are sowing a seed that could produce the kind of fruit you may not expect.
Your spouse loves you so deeply. Yet, every time, you take decisions and actions that affect your marriage and family without consulting him or her. You deny him or her communication when it is needed most. You even bear malice over matters that do not warrant such action. These kinds of behaviour could cause depression and even result in suicide. Do you know?
Before you married your spouse, expectations of marital joy and happiness were very high. But since you got married, it has been frequent quarrelling and fighting, most times generated by you. Maybe you even beat up your spouse like a kid every time. This is part of emotional torture. It can produce frustration, depression and possibly, suicide ideation. If suicide eventually happens, you cannot deny the fact that you are the cause.
These days, marriages with true love and emotional bonding are scarce, even though they are available. Couples can however, reduce the rate of frustration in marriages if they begin to get conscious of each other’s moods and feelings. If you are not close to your spouse, please get closer.
There are a few possible signs or indicators of depression. If for instance, your spouse suddenly comes home and begins to make utterances that suggest he or she is embarking on a long journey without providing detailed information, there is a cause for concern, especially when this is a strange behaviour. When he comes and discloses all his bank accounts and ATM numbers, his assets and keys, and then, dishes out instructions on what should be done about his children’s future, either of two things are happening.
One is positive. Maybe he has received a divine touch and decided to become a transparent husband and father to his wife and children, if he had never been. It could be that he has just received a lesson on the importance of making a WILL. On the negative side, it is possible that he is about to attempt or commit suicide. When a wife observes this scenario in her husband, a proper and prayerful investigation or enquiry is advised. You could also approach a counsellor. This is just one example of possible case scenarios.
There is a solution to depression, frustration and discouragement in life. “And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2).
If you do not change the way you look at things, things may never change the way they look. It is more about your mindset and reasoning patterns. Today, when you look at the economic, social and political challenges in your environment and your marital challenges, you will discover that neither your big uncle in the government house, nor alcoholic drinks or cigarettes, nor multitude of friends can give you a permanent solution of hope for the future and eternity.
Like the Bible says, do not be conformed to this world. If comfortable people, elites and millionaires are committing suicide, it tells you that not even the amount of cash in your bank account or volume of your assets can protect you from personal depression.
If those you envy for achieving the marital targets you earlier had in life but could not attain, are still complaining of inadequacy, doesn’t this tell you that the mundane things of this world are not worth dying for? Doesn’t it tell you that your great expectations that you could not attain after putting in best efforts, are due to no fault of yours and that you do not have to kill yourself over what you are not guilty of? The fact that even billionaire couples are divorcing and moving into depression speaks volumes and should give you a message.
“If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable (1st Corinthians 15:19). There is a wonderful life beyond the situation you see physically if only your heart is made available. Jesus said:
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take
up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).
As long as you are still yourself, you can never attain fulfillment in life or muster the hope to live happily before your exit from this world to embrace eternal life. Even self confidence cannot withstand the weight of disappointments and depression that this world has to offer. This is because self confidence originates from SELF which is limited in capacity. For instance, you might study very well for an examination and gather self confidence that you will excel in that exam. On the day of the examination, you could fall sick to the extent that you are not able to get up from your bed. Here, self confidence cannot save you. Only Jesus Christ can release his healing power and deliver you from that situation.
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1st Peter 5:7).
So, in this wicked, turbulent and discouraging world where we live, you need to drop your SELF, surrender your heart to Jesus Christ, the one who died and rose again from the grave after three days. He will then, possess your heart and give you everlasting unshakable hope. Anything that possesses your heart has possessed your entire life.
Allowing Jesus Christ to posses your heart is the only way to sustain joy of hope in the midst of today’s difficult world. There is no hope, encouragement and determination anywhere, except in Jesus Christ. Invite him into your marital issues and you would realize that suicide is from the devil, the prince of this world. He has three major assignments in this world.
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).
For you, who is finding it difficult now to accommodate your spouse because you think his or her problems are too much, you must realize that your spouse is an exclusive blessing for you. The things you are doing to him or her without considering his or her emotions are likely to encourage depression and possibly, suicide. There is no way you will be happy if that happens unless you have no conscience, even though the devil may be presently telling you that the problems you are giving your spouse is the solution to your own happiness. Remember that the devil is the father of all liars. (John 8:44).
One more thing, your spouse is better than a million other spouses out there. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man: but God is
faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able; but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1st Corinthians 10:13).
You can make your marriage enjoyable. Protect your spouse from suicide, for your own good.